


Snippets

by Nyodrite



Series: Things From Tumblr [10]
Category: Naruto
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-06
Updated: 2016-11-26
Packaged: 2018-06-06 19:15:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6766447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyodrite/pseuds/Nyodrite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things too small for me to consider to be a "mini-fic". Like;</p>
<p>“Well, uh, no, not really.” Naruto said before continuing. “But why don’t you have any kids, Sensei?”</p>
<p>Not even looking up from his book, Kakashi deadpanned, “Carrying Tenzo decayed my uterus and destroyed my womb. Alas, I can no longer get pregnant.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Pokémon - Genma Finds Out**

“…You named a Treecko after me!?” Genma burst angrily. “What the hell Taichō?”

Kakashi glanced at him, “He’s a Grovyle now.” The man only glared so he added, “I am sorry…” He continued when the glare started to let up, “I couldn’t find him a Raidō.”

He probably deserved the punch he got for that.

.

**Genderbent**

Kakashi woke up and simply stared at the ceiling.

Thirty seconds later the feeling that had woken him up hadn’t disappeared so he resigned himself to looking down- finding that he was now a she.

At least, she supposed, she had magnificent breasts.

.

**Root Exposed**

“We can’t just kill them.” Kakashi burst, not knowing why he did- he wasn’t an idealist- but knowing he couldn’t back down now.

The Council, whom had ignored him in favor of debating what to do about ROOT members, glanced at him, “Oh? And why is that Hatake-kun?”

“Because,” He said, trying to channel his inner-Obito, inner-Minato, hell, even his inner-Naruto. “Whatever training they had, they are still Konoha shinobi. And Konoha takes care of it’s shinobi.”

.

**His Father's Brother** ****

“Breath Niisan, breath.” Kama told the panicking man calmly, hiding his amusement. Sakumo sucked in a breath obediently and let it out with a ‘whuff’ before looking at him expectantly, “Congratulations on your impending fatherhood.”

The man grinned before it faltered, “What if I am not a good father? What if the baby hates me? What if I do something stupid and the baby get’s hurt? What if I accidentally kill my child!?”

“Niisan, I just-…breath Niisan, breath.”

.

**Inside Jokes**

“Sensei!” Naruto shouted, stopping before him. “Why do the mask people-”

“ANBU!” Sakura corrected sharply, looking as if she would have hit the boy if her hands weren’t full.

The blond bobbed his head, “ANBU- I knew that! Why do the ANBU call you Kāchan?”

“Does it matter?” He asked, not really wanting to explain the intricacy of running gags and it’s appeal to the Black Ops.

“Well, uh, no, not really.” Naruto said before continuing. “But why don’t you have any kids, Sensei?”

Not even looking up from his book, Kakashi deadpanned, “Carrying Tenzo decayed my uterus and destroyed my womb. Alas, I can no longer get pregnant.”

_“Excuse me!?”_

He froze at the sound of Tōsan and Sensei’s shocked shouts.


	2. Snippets 2

Paralyzed 'verse - Edo Tensai

" _You weren't there!_ " Obito snarled, suddenly so _very_ furious. "You were _never_ there when we needed you! Not when I was half dead and trapped, listening to Rin's screams as the cave collapsed! Not when Rin _killed herself_ and her last words were an _apology_ to you for not being strong enough!" Getting that feeling that came with controlling Edo Tensai, Obito sneered as he delivered the final nail to the coffin. "You weren't there for _Kakashi_."

Minato flinched, as he always did whenever anyone brought up his first student, but he full on recoiled when he saw a head of white on a tiny, animated corpse of a chūnin.

Obito grinned, arm curling around the passive body of the dead chūnin. "Ne, why don't you inform _Sensei_ of his mistakes, _Kakashi-chan_?"

No body, _no body_ , was prepared for what came out of the chūnin's mouth. "You killed me, Sensei."

.

? - Because I Read "Project Tatterdemalion" by Vathara

Kakashi huffed in amusement when he felt _::yes-fun-yes chase prey-squealers who flee going_ ukh! ukh! _::_ and sent back : _amusement-exasperation of hunter-companion who is like a pup. Hunger! Bring for kill! For food-yes-good-food!:_

_::apology. Fun-chase of prey-squealers::_ the other sent after a beat followed by _::yes-hunger yes food-yes-good-food! Close but will bring! Bring for pounce- for good-food-yes-eat-food!::_

Kakashi didn't send anything back, a screeching squeal of fear piercing the air near him and he shifted into a better position to pounce as he got _::roar! Spark-nip at prey-squealers so to flee towards kill-maker::_

_._

Crashing Through The 4th Wall

_Well, this is new._ Kakashi thought, staring at the poster he had liberated from a store wall.

**_Naruto Shippuden the Movie: The Will of Fire_** it read in bold writing at the top left corner, the picture itself was blank save for the shinobi- Naruto and his friends- whom looked as if they were about to jump into a battle with someone that wasn't shown with the date **August 2009** added at the bottom as if an afterthought.

…it also explained the weird looks and odd compliment he got for his 'costume'.

It did not explain where he was or how he got there.

Kakashi took a deep breath, _Prioritize._ He told himself sternly, _information, shelter, food and then work on getting back._

He nodded, affirming the thought before performing a henge into a black haired, brown eyed person with a more fitting outfit. Tucking the poster away with a mental note to check out the…'series'…later, Kakashi stepped out of the alley he had hidden in and out onto the street once more.

.

Project Still Water

"Kirigakure has been out of communication with the rest of the Hidden Villages for over twelve days, anyone whom has travelled there has yet to return- this has been making the other Kage twitchy. Thus it was decided that each village would send out a team three ANBU each to investigate the situation," Inu-taichō glanced at his teammates, Tora and Usagi, and added, "Hokage-sama believes that Kirigakure may be gearing up for another war."

.

Dead Not Gone

"What happened?" the Sandaime asked briskly upon arrival.

Confused and shocked as they were, Minato and Kushina's attention snapped to the man from where they hovered beside Kakashi holding Naruto. Kakashi answered, "Namikaze Minato and Uzumaki Kushina are dead."

_"Kashi-chan!"_ His wife cried, distressed at the blank, deadened voice the teen used- one that had been used after Sakumo's death than Obito's followed by Rin's.

Sandaime-sama, not having heard her, continued. "And the Kyuubi."

"The Yondaime gave his life to seal it again," his student intoned lowly, a half second pause before adding. "The new jinchuriki of the Kyuubi is…me."

His eyes widened even as Kushina shouted, _"What!?"_

_._

A Silver Fox

His paw tentatively prodded at the solid, not-alive and leaf-lost tree that stood shorter than normal trees with branches as thick as it's trunk spouting off at intervals that were exactly two paw-lengths apart to connect on other trunks on either side of the first in a seemingly endless cycle. He who was nameless but called Gin or Shiro or Yuki or Kit whenever necessary sniffed at the odd tree-thing briefly before sticking the tip of his snout between the branches to sniff at the lands beyond, curious of the animals that smelled of meadows-that-weren't-meadows and the wolves-that- _weren't_ and the plants-that-shouldn't-yet-be-grown.

With a puzzled sneeze, he pulled his snout out and angled his head to look between the branches- spying a wooden cave-thing that's mouth seemed to be capable of moving unlike other caves, beyond it were smaller wood-things that were less cave and more _den_ that was not in the ground. _Curious._

Let it not be said that foxes, whether they be of red fur or white or any other color of fur, did not satisfy their own curiosity. Thus, with only a passing thought to the potential dangers, used the horizontal branches of the not-alive tree thing to climb to the top before jumping down into the other land's side.

Tail held high, he trotted forwards to investigate.

.

Monster At Home

There was a monster in Konoha. It wasn't in the village, not visible for the civilians to see and notice, but it had taken over one of the training grounds, one of the most infamous- the Forest of Death. The forest wasn't a popular place- only in consistent use for around a week once half a decade and it was during that time that Kakashi stumbled across the monster.

.

Four Moments (With Minato)

**Responsibility:** _Once, Minato swore to himself to protect Kakashi with all that he had- he just never knew that he would have to against his own village._

**Being a Leader:** _After dealing with Kakashi- the fiercely independent genius of a child- Minato believed that taking on a team of Genin would be simple- he couldn't have been more wrong._

**The Libra:** _Rin, Minato thought, was the balancer that kept the team from collapsing._

**Bring Honor to Us:** _Obito was cheerful, energetic and full of life- Minato couldn't help but feel sad looking at him._


	3. Snippets 3

Exile:

"I'll write." Tōsan promised.

Kakashi said nothing.

"I love you." Tōsan waited a beat to see if he'd reply before standing with a sigh, turning his attention to Sensei. "Watch out for him?"

A hand curled over his shoulder and Sensei answered solemnly, "I promise, Hatake-san."

His father nodded, glanced at him once more before turning so his back was to them and started walking away from the gates. There was a still silence as the man's back got smaller the further he walked before the crowd roared their approval over the White Fang's exile.

Kakashi's hands curled into fists, felt Sensei's hand tighten on his shoulder, and finally found the words he couldn't earlier- speaking them even if they were to be lost in the sound of the crowd.

"I love you too, Tōsan."

.

I love Speeches:

"Because, whatever they say, I know who I am and I refuse to allow them to turn me into a monster. You have given those who hate you the satisfaction of making you unkind, Gaara-kun, and have thus proved them right in their opinions….but, you must remember, it is never too late to change. Can you? Are you strong enough to forgive their actions, to bare their hate so that you may care for them?"

.

TTtdDTE:

His family often called him paranoid, well, more accurately they called him 'a paranoid, idiotic, no-good failure' but paraphrasing was always the best option when dealing with his family. Regardless, they called him paranoid but, seeing how their clan leader had decided to live a life of isolation with defenses up to and including a _piranha-infested moat_ , Obito decided it was best to ignore their opinions at large.

Uchiha Obito was not paranoid, he was merely excessively prepared for worse case scenarios.

.

Zelda-based:

"A nightmare." Minato murmured, letting out a deep sigh before he sat up and froze.

"Or vision," the fairy- or maybe not seeing as it had feathery wings and a tail of all things. It hummed, tail- an odd cross of canine and feline- flicking in something that might have been amusement before curling in close to the- body, being absorbed into the ball of light. "Never heard of a fairy tail before?"

He paused then said, "I've heard of fairy tales not a fairy with a tail…or bird wings."

.

White Dog, Black Crow:

"Hm." Kakashi hummed through a mouthful of Miso, uncovered eye trained on the man who brought it to him for lunch. It had eggplants in it, his favorite. "What exactly are you bribing me for, Sensei?"

The blonde laughed nervously, "W-what makes you think I'm trying to bribe you?"

He gave a flat look, "You only ever get me my favorites if you want me to do something. Otherwise we have taken."

"I don't always-…" The weak protest died with a glare and a sigh. "Alright. I do."

Kakashi took another mouthful, even if it was bribery, it was still his favorite food. "It must be something you know that I won't like, you're stalling. You did the same when you took on Rin and Obito as students." He added, forestalling any protests then paused and thought. "The only thing that it could be is Naruto…you don't want me to be there?"

"No." Sensei sighed, rubbing his face. "It is potentially dangerous."

The 'I don't want to risk losing another student' was implied but Kakashi was stubborn, "Do you not have a plan?"

"…the Death God Seal." The man answered, correctly guessing that he meant 'If things go wrong'.

Another mouthful. "Hm. Can I send a Kage Bunshin?"

That earned him a thoughtful pause, "Before I leave, go to the bathroom and make one to go with me- you cannot be seen."

"There's a window and I can be Karasu." He answered readily, it may be a bit of a irritation to color his hair black but it wasn't difficult. He took a moment to wonder if anyone else had two ANBU masks or if it was just him, White Dog and Black Crow

.

Round Two:

Dying as Sirius was similar to dying as just plain Kakashi; deadly attacks flew everywhere- the chaos like panicking civilians during an invasion- in ironically bright colors, the air was filled with a symphony of sound- from explosions and collapsing buildings to pained screaming and grim shouts- that he occasionally added to with irritated cursing and the whole place stank- of burning flesh and _too much blood_ , of heat bloating corpses and dead bodies made to decay faster- something terrible.

When Kakashi died, he had been alone and it had been something of suicide in order to protect another.

When _Sirius_ had died, it had also been something of suicide but he _hadn't_ been alone.

**The second time he died, it started a bit like this;**

Hospitals were safe, this was something that was a deep-seated belief despite the war that it was almost a kind of rule of life- no matter what horrors Voldemort may bring, hospitals were safe. It is why, when the rumor came, so few believed that Voldemort would actually attack St. Mungo's- certainly the Ministry didn't put much stock into it, assigning only a team of five Aurors as protection.

_(It should be known that he hadn't even been assigned there, that he had actually been on something of a vacation at the time.)_

While some followed the Ministry's example, there were those who decided it was better to err on the side of caution- they took to only going to St. Mungo's when absolutely necessary and doing so in groups of able-bodied wizards.

He had been present because Lily Potter had gone into labor and James Potter had rallied everyone he was even remotely friendly with and were competent with their wand. He might not have been as close to the man as he might have been if he'd been sorted into Gryffindor but he was considered a Marauder if only because of his contribution in becoming Animagus.

Lily had been close- no more then an hour- away from being able to start pushing when the first explosion rocked the hospital.

For a moment everyone had froze, then planning (dubbed paranoid by an irritable Lily) kicked in and everyone dispersed. James took his spot as a guard to the actual delivery room, Frank Longbottom and Remus Lupin watching the hallways leading to the room while almost everyone else raced towards where the attack was taking place.

Peter Pettigrew was in charge of making sure the staff started evacuating people.

Sight:

Kakashi could not see.

Before capture he had been able to work through exhaustion to carve, to mutilate his Sharingan beyond use-

Because fuck if he would let them get _Obito's eye_. Because he'd already given the seals, Hyūga-based and designed by both Sensei and Kushina, he carried with him for such an occasion to Itachi and Shisui. Because he was only carrying two seals since Shisui's addition was a last-minute thing and at least he'd still have a usable eye if it came down to it instead of the Uchiha.

-and their captors had been _furious_ , enough to take his other eye as compensation even if they'd decided to keep him alive.

Ghost:

When he woke up for the very first time, there was a girl waiting next to him- she would have probably been considered 'cute' or even 'pretty' if not for the gapping hole she had in her chest- and the very first thing she said was, "I forgive you."

"...for what?" he asked after a moment, adding, "Who are you?"

The (dead?) girl looked a little heartbroken and he wondered at the odd pang of guilt even as she managed a smile. "You'll understand when you need to. Come on, we're going to be late."

_Late,_ he wondered even as he followed her (part of him felt he should be shocked with how quickly they arrived at the large, forest encircled village), _late for what?_

He didn't feel like he had any real _need_ to _be_ anywhere.

It was a funeral they went to, it was a modest one with few people- a blonde man looking exhausted, a grim red-haired woman, a black-haired teen in vibrant green who was sobbing, a tearful brunet woman and a pair of teenagers who seemed to be dating with how the girl clutched the boy- and it looked as if they were only burying a jar.

It was a very nice jar, looked like it was made of a white gold-tinged porcelain that had a bird design on it done in a deep purple, but a jar nonetheless.

The girl-who-was-almost-definitely-dead shed tears as she watched them bury the jar, full out sobbing when the people started placing vases of flowers (some white, some purple, a few red, a pair of yellows but mostly light blue) but she turned to him as they started lighting incense. " _I forgive you_." She repeated with a sincere kind of emphasis, "We will meet again. You better remember me then."

And then she was gone, leaving him with grieving people who couldn't see him.


	4. WIASL

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the _Walking In A Straight Line_ idea- AKA where Team Seven haunts Kakashi from birth- but I decided pretty quickly I wanted to write something different with this idea but figured I could just tie up what I had written already and post it as a snippet.

They'd always been there, the loud blond with the pink girl and silent black-hair, but Kakashi didn't really understand that no one else could see them until he was older.

He could remember bleary half-memories, only really kept because the loud blond took great joy in talking about the time when Kakashi was a baby, when he woke in his crib  _ wanting _ \- sometimes to be changed or fed but often just to be held, to smell his father, to have someone talk to him instead of only have the dark silence- and how the three frantically (in their own way as the dark-hair did frantic differently then the lighter-hairs) did all they could to keep him from screaming or crying.

_ “You were  _ crying _ ,”  _ the blond inevitably says with horror when he tells the stories,  _ “With real  _ **_tears_ ** _ and everything.” _

_ “We couldn’t just ignore that.”  _ the pink one would finish while the dark-hair would huff and deny caring with,  _ “The screaming's annoying, I just didn’t want to hear it.” _

They were always there, though, and the dark-hair still  _ tried _ so Kakashi figured that the  _ cared _ even if the dark-hair tried acting like he didn’t.

Sometimes they were so... _ weird _ , though. Like how they  _ always _ seemed to freak out when his father was around, like he was this rare and unknown being to be in awe over- Kakashi was certain he’d heard the blond one elbow the others and hiss  _ “His face!” _ more then once.

It was odd, they were odd. But….Kakashi didn’t think he minded, having them around all the time.

Maybe.


End file.
